| Portrayed by: Kassandra Cherry |
| First Appearance: "Snicker" |
| Last Appearance: "The Block" |
Hayley Carlsen is a recurring minor character in Emperor Pigs. She is your stereotypical popular trust fund valley girl and a regular patron of Emperor Pigs Pizza and Cigs. Her preferred cigarettes are Carcass Crushers, but she'll take any menthol cigs.[2]
The sue-happy type, Hayley slapped Gordon Tsar and accused him of sexually assaulting her as an excuse to sic her lawyer, Lawrence Huttenback, on the establishment.[1] She's the kind of person who will throw a fit over some imagined problem with her meal, just to see if she can get it for free, even though she has plenty of money to pay for it. If she doesn't get her way, everyone and her daddy will be hearing about it.
Hayley is constantly on the phone with her best friend and sorority sister, Cindy, but gods above help you if you're on the phone when you're talking to her. The girls keep a running commentary to each other on what's going on around them, only really broken up when Hayley decides to call up her lawyer. This often ends with his secretary, Mrs. Lauper, putting her on hold in the hopes that Hayley will get fed up and hang up.